24 April 2016

The Joy and Movie Night of the Fourteenth Week

Friends, I could just cry.

My cup of joy has continued to overflow this week, just as it did last week.  And, again, I have no reason except God.  I mean, for goodness sake, it's the end of the semester!  Final projects and assignments are all coming up next week, finals are the week after and fast approaching -- AND there is absolutely no way I can get it all done, and do well, and not die.  That is, without God.

I think this is a good place to be.

Being physically and mentally unable to do everything that needs to get done, means that you're going to be running on Supernatural Power during that time, if you surrender.  In those moments, you can know that God is working with you, and in you, and through you, because, otherwise, you would fail miserably -- just crash and burn.  And it wouldn't be pretty.

But when God steps in... it all works out, better than you could ever do on your own.

So, that's what I'm holding to right now.  That, and the residual happiness from the movie night I hosted for the wonderful people in my Screenwriting class yesterday.  God laid the idea on my heart, and He brought it to fruition and to success.  He also brought the guests: 10 of my classmates, out of the 30, came -- and even our awesome professor showed up!!

We really had such a great group.

As for what we watched: 2001: A Space Odyssey -- and I haven't the slightest idea of where to start with that.  It was, in all: bizarre, suspenseful, incredible, mesmerizing, confusing, beautiful, and boring as all get out.  And I'm so glad I didn't know that before I picked it for the night -- or else I wouldn't have, and would've missed out on a fabulous experience full of hilarity and craziness. ;)

So, in conclusion to this post, I honestly don't know if it's possible that anyone got more joy out of the little movie night than I did... it was a perfect end to a wonderful (and hectic) week. :)

18 April 2016

3-Teen: Joy and Snapshots

I'm swamped for time, so I'll keep this short and sweet.

Thank you for your words of encouragement on last week's post -- in the words of Paul, "I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers."

Since last week, my joy has increased exponentially, and I have no explanation except God.  I've been learning so much about joy as a fruit of the Spirit, and it's been absolutely incredible to be able to bear that fruit in my life so tangibly.  I get teary-eyed just thinking about it.

The weird thing about that is -- everything is pretty much the same, just the usual classes, work, and homework, plus a few get-togethers and lunches and skype calls with various lovely people at school and across the world (lookin' at you, Evie dear, and your human and ibis and duck friends).

I need to wrap this up and finish homework for my personal finance class, but first, an awesome truth about me right now: I'm more spiritually mature than I've ever been before in my entire life.  Never have I felt so close to God, so in-tune to His desires and plans... ah.  My heart is so full.

Well, here's to growing more -- because friend, I am so painfully far from perfect.  But by God's grace, He's working on me and in me, little by little.

this is how I feel on the inside too
avengers band-aids make everything better

parts of the whole

reading scripts and enjoying silence

project WIP for sewing class

part of one of five mobcaps I made at work
alone and yet not lonely

12 April 2016

12: Making Friends and Influencing People?

I've realized something.

Lately, it hasn't been the sewing, the screenwriting, the costume-creating, that has been dominating my thoughts.  Of course, I've thought about those things a whole lot -- but what's been persistently on my mind is God, and people.  Which is actually awesome, now that I really think about it.

But, it's been tough, see.  It's because I've been lonely.

How could someone be lonely while seeing so many people every day, you ask?  Because of fear, disconnect, rejection... Some days are so much better than others, when I feel connected and alive and happy -- but other days are really, really isolating.  Yeah, well, like today.

Today, I felt isolated.

Isolation hurts my soul, because, yes, I am extroverted.  I'm also guarded, shy, fearful.  So many things swirl inside my head, things that no one ever hears because I "know" they don't care to hear them.  I'm scared of what people will think of me and of how people will respond to me.

I can talk so big, but when the rubber meets the road, I'm a coward.

Nowadays, rarely do I say what I want to say.  Funny things, opinionated things, encouraging things -- just the usual candid conversation.  I feel like I'm just bad at that, though.  I feel like so many things I say are so seriously stupid -- so why would I ever try to say more??

That's my problem.

I care too much about what people think of me, and it's hindering my ability to make friends and influence people.  I know for a fact that I'm cutting myself off more so than others are cutting me off.  And I don't want to, because, truly, I love people so much.

I mean, what's more important than God and humans?

My heart is heavy from college life, and I could use a lift.  My dear family and you dear internet friends are really the only genuine human encouragement I feel these days.  You guys say, even without words, "You're really awesome, you encourage me, I hope I encourage you, and I'm so glad you're in my life."

Thank you so, so much for that.

But at school, I suppose I just gotta keep trusting God, that He'll lead me through the loneliness -- whether that's out, or even further in.  Thank God I don't have to overcome this alone, and that, even if I never do become truly "un-isolated" in college, I've got Him to pull me through.

A theme song for Week 13:

04 April 2016

My Own Character Development / The Eleventh

Beatsheet format today to show the pretty cool story of last week (God is the greatest author ever, dontcha know??).
Hello dear friends.

Opening Image: Last week, and particularly last weekend, was wonderful.  Okay, I lied.  Last week was not completely wonderful.

The Setup/Break Into Two: The first part of the week was kinda boring and I low-key wanted to quit my job (yes the one I haven't even had for two months yet), because I was sick of not having time to do all the fun things I wanted to do.

Fun and Games: But Tuesday was still a fun day, as I got to have lunch with some friends from screenwriting, and chat with them and some others before class.

Midpoint: Then, halfway through the school week I came down with a cold -- AGAIN.  And just as I was starting to get back to being joyful.  I had a terrible attitude about it, and was mad at God for making me deal with that again so soon (you know how it goes).

Dark Night of the Soul: So Thursday I did some sulking -- mostly over the cold deal, but also subconsciously over lack of positive social interaction aaand the existence of some negative interactions that day at school.

Break Into Three: Like I said though, my week really was wonderful -- the "wonderful" part just didn't start until Thursday evening, by God fixing my attitude concerning my current daily life (due in part to a conversation with my oldest sister Alissa).  But I still wanted to quit my job, and I was still without a whole lotta joy, aaaand I was still sick.

Finale: The next day, Friday, promised a wonderful treat: earlier in the week, Paris, one of you amazing people who follow the writings of my convoluted life, reached out, saying she was coming to CFAW here at LU, and asking if we could connect over the weekend!!  Well, of course, I immediately agreed, and we made plans for her to come to my classes and eat lunch with me on Friday.  We also ended up going to the Rend Collective concert together that evening (which was absolutely faaaantaaaastic and I seriously love them so much), as well as the fashion show Saturday evening (which was absolutely amazing and I can't wait to be a part of it next year)!!

Finale (cont): Anyway, Friday and Saturday came and went, and I had the most fantastic time with Paris.  It might seem like it was me who was all unselfish and sweet -- but honestly, I think I might have had more fun being all hospitable and hanging out with her than she did hanging with me (;D).  So, dear, it was such a joy to meet and hang out and fangirl with you, and again, thank you so so much for reaching out.  I'm excited to stay in touch and see where God leads you!!

Final Image: And the finale of the week, in my daily perusal of my Bloglovin' feed, I saw this article: "Six Ways God's at Work in You - At Work", from the fantastic and always inspiring/convicting Desiring God blog.

Finale Image (cont): K God.  Thank u.  I think I get it now.  I think I know now I'm where I'm supposed to be, here in this job, and I know I want to serve you better in it.  Thanks for the joy, I needed it.  Thanks for the confidence boost -- I needed that too.  And thanks especially for taking the trouble to work on my character development -- you know I need it.

Yes.  I'm ready for the 12th Week now.

~          ~          ~

P.S. EVIE!!!  That's a shout out to Evie.  Long overdue.  Y'see, we got to skype each other two weeks ago, and it was so so so fun, and she gave a shout out on HER BLOG, but I didn't on MY BLOG.  Which was upsetting.  So, dear Evie, thanks for that skype call.  It literally made my day.  Gotta do it again soon, k?? ;)